Doug and Amy's Blog

Sunday, October 17, 2010

In Memorandum for My Mother

Today would have been mine (Amy's) mother's birthday. She lost her life on May 5, 2010. We received a phone call at 2:15 am from my niece who lives with my mom. I saw the caller ID and jumped out of bed telling Doug "Something is wrong, it's from home!" I still think of California as my home. It was my niece that lives with my mom. She was crying and telling me that "Grandma is dying!" The Paramedics were there working on Mom but she passed away. It was the hardest moment of my life. I was there when she left this earth. A few days earlier, she had fallen, twice.
My nephew, Randy who also lives with my Mom, helped her up and not knowing that she had broken her right shoulder. She was hospitalized for a day and then allowed to come home. I received a phone call from one of my sisters telling me what happened to Mom and that she was now at home.
I immediately called Mom and spoke to her. Three times she asked me if I had fed the kids. I told her yes each time. She told me she was OK and I told her I would hang up so she could get her rest.
I called my eldest sister and asked her if Mom was really OK. She assured me that Mom was heavily medicated and that was the reason she was asking me the same questions over and over again.
I felt better after talking to my sister until I received the call that morning from my niece.
How could that be? Mom is suppose to be here forever. What do I do without her? Who do I turn to? I love her so much. Even during her last days on earth, she was still being a Mom. Mom was concerned about the welfare of her newest grandchildren. My sister told me that while in the hospital, Mom told her how proud she was of Doug and I for adopting Alex and Kristina. But they would never get to meet this most wonderful and precious woman.
Mom was always about her family. That was her life.
My Mom and Dad came from India when they were young and recently married. My Dad was in college in India and wanted to get his degree in the United States. My parents were sponsored by my Dad's Aunt and Uncle who were living in California. After my Dad received his degree in Agriculture, they made the US their home and purchased a ranch. My Dad was Westernized and my Mom soon followed. They became US citizens.
My Mom learned English and taught herself to drive a car. We were all so proud of her. She would attend our school functions dressed in a beautiful dresses and heels. My Great Aunt Mary (married to my Dad's Uncle) had my Mom's beautiful long hair cut and styled and bought her dresses and suits.
Mom kept her traditional Indian clothes to wear at home.
Mom was an exceptional cook. She learned to cook from her Grandmother. She was raised by her Grandparents in India. After my Mom was born, her Grandparent fell in love with her. Mom stayed with them often and learned many thing from her Grandmother. My Mom's cooking was one of her many talents. She could take ordinary food and make it taste like heaven. My Dad was especially proud of my Mom's cooking. There were so many times when Dad would bring people home for dinner. Mom always had more then enough food and was always gracious about unexpected guest for dinner. My Dad always took in people that didn't have a place to stay and Mom always fed them. My sister recalled a time when Dad brought home several college students that didn't have a place to stay. Mom took our mattress' off our beds and we helped her to make up a bed on the floor of our screened-in porch.
My sister told us that just before our Mom passed away that she was wearing our Dad's ring. She hadn't worn the ring for years since Dad passed away many years ago. We think he came to get her.
Mom was sent to meet her maker on Mother's Day. It was my first Mother's Day and it was the day we all had to say "Good Bye."
Today, I am having a more difficult time. I always would send her many gifts for her birthday. Every time I would see something I thought Mom would like, I would buy it and save it for her birthday. She would always tell me that I spent too much money on her and I would reply "I only have one Mother". She deserved it all and much much more. Mom loved all the holidays. The holidays were very big in my family and they will be a very sad time this year.
Each day is filled with so many memories and tears especially when I'm alone.
My sisters and I hope we can remember all the traditional things Mother has taught us.
Alex and Kristina do not understand because of the courage my parents had to come to America, has created a new life for them and opened a new chapter in the Rai and Arnold family history.


  1. I was so very touched by your entry - I cried. Thank you for sharing such precious moments and feelings. I would loved to have met your Mother and Father. In fact, I wish I would have been able to get to know you both better. We hosted in 2008, also.

  2. What a sweet tribute to your mom. I bet she is so proud of you and watching over you. Maybe - every just once in awhile, you'll feel her sweet spirit as you raise your children? She must have just wanted a "birds eye view" of you being a Mom. :)
    Thanks for sharing such a sweet, honest, tender post.
    Much love,