Today would have been mine (Amy's) mother's birthday. She lost her life on May 5, 2010. We received a phone call at 2:15 am from my niece who lives with my mom. I saw the caller ID and jumped out of bed telling Doug "Something is wrong, it's from home!" I still think of California as my home. It was my niece that lives with my mom. She was crying and telling me that "Grandma is dying!" The Paramedics were there working on Mom but she passed away. It was the hardest moment of my life. I was there when she left this earth. A few days earlier, she had fallen, twice.
My nephew, Randy who also lives with my Mom, helped her up and not knowing that she had broken her right shoulder. She was hospitalized for a day and then allowed to come home. I received a phone call from one of my sisters telling me what happened to Mom and that she was now at home.
I immediately called Mom and spoke to her. Three times she asked me if I had fed the kids. I told her yes each time. She told me she was OK and I told her I would hang up so she could get her rest.
I called my eldest sister and asked her if Mom was really OK. She assured me that Mom was heavily medicated and that was the reason she was asking me the same questions over and over again.
I felt better after talking to my sister until I received the call that morning from my niece.
How could that be? Mom is suppose to be here forever. What do I do without her? Who do I turn to? I love her so much. Even during her last days on earth, she was still being a Mom. Mom was concerned about the welfare of her newest grandchildren. My sister told me that while in the hospital, Mom told her how proud she was of Doug and I for adopting Alex and Kristina. But they would never get to meet this most wonderful and precious woman.
Mom was always about her family. That was her life.
My Mom and Dad came from India when they were young and recently married. My Dad was in college in India and wanted to get his degree in the United States. My parents were sponsored by my Dad's Aunt and Uncle who were living in California. After my Dad received his degree in Agriculture, they made the US their home and purchased a ranch. My Dad was Westernized and my Mom soon followed. They became US citizens.
My Mom learned English and taught herself to drive a car. We were all so proud of her. She would attend our school functions dressed in a beautiful dresses and heels. My Great Aunt Mary (married to my Dad's Uncle) had my Mom's beautiful long hair cut and styled and bought her dresses and suits.
Mom kept her traditional Indian clothes to wear at home.
Mom was an exceptional cook. She learned to cook from her Grandmother. She was raised by her Grandparents in India. After my Mom was born, her Grandparent fell in love with her. Mom stayed with them often and learned many thing from her Grandmother. My Mom's cooking was one of her many talents. She could take ordinary food and make it taste like heaven. My Dad was especially proud of my Mom's cooking. There were so many times when Dad would bring people home for dinner. Mom always had more then enough food and was always gracious about unexpected guest for dinner. My Dad always took in people that didn't have a place to stay and Mom always fed them. My sister recalled a time when Dad brought home several college students that didn't have a place to stay. Mom took our mattress' off our beds and we helped her to make up a bed on the floor of our screened-in porch.
My sister told us that just before our Mom passed away that she was wearing our Dad's ring. She hadn't worn the ring for years since Dad passed away many years ago. We think he came to get her.
Mom was sent to meet her maker on Mother's Day. It was my first Mother's Day and it was the day we all had to say "Good Bye."
Today, I am having a more difficult time. I always would send her many gifts for her birthday. Every time I would see something I thought Mom would like, I would buy it and save it for her birthday. She would always tell me that I spent too much money on her and I would reply "I only have one Mother". She deserved it all and much much more. Mom loved all the holidays. The holidays were very big in my family and they will be a very sad time this year.
Each day is filled with so many memories and tears especially when I'm alone.
My sisters and I hope we can remember all the traditional things Mother has taught us.
Alex and Kristina do not understand because of the courage my parents had to come to America, has created a new life for them and opened a new chapter in the Rai and Arnold family history.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Kristina Goes to Church Camp
Friday, Kristina went to Camp Tuttle for the weekend on a Church retreat for kids. Me, Doug and Alex found the weekend to be extremely enjoyable because the drama queen was away. Kristina loved it because she had a great time and was surrounded by new people who had not heard her Ukrainian stories yet. Kristina loves to talk to everyone who will listen to her. She and her accent were now the center of attention for the weekend.
We thought church camp would be a good thing for her: as she would be around kids her own age, to make some new Christian friends and we hoped she would learn some humility. Our biggest challenge with her is trying to convince her that we, as her parents, know what is best for her. Thirteen year old Kristina of course has all of the answers and looks at us like we don't know what we're talking about. During our many talks, she will not answer our questions directly but ask another question to avoid answering us.
When we went to pick her up and she was playing games with the other children. She told her new friends "Good-Bye Guys."
On the way home she cried as she said she missed them. We asked her what she had learned while at camp and she told us it was about honesty. We were glad to hear that, as we had some questions to ask her about finding things in her room that she did not have permission to take .
Kristina had been grounded and we only allowed her to go to church camp to help her and to try to mold her into a better person.
I've read on other blogs, that some of the moms said in some cases, they will not win the mother of the year award, I feel I won't win any awards, ever. Kristina doesn't accept listening to us very well. It amazes us that her teachers speak so highly of her and say she is an extremely respectful student but she can't show any respect at home. We keep telling Kristina that someday we hope she will be grateful for all the opportunities we have given to her, but to her we are not doing anything. We now have a new rule. If Kristina takes something without permission, then something of hers will be taken away and donated. She has taken a step in the right direction this evening. The neighbor that drives Kristina to school each day gave her some money. She had given all the girls in her car pool a little money and she takes them to the store after school so they can spend their money on treats. Kristina has $2.61. Kristina ate an entire bottle of decorative candies for cookies/cupcakes that I use during the holidays. Since she had $2.61 from the neighbor, we asked her what she should do with the money. Kristina told us to keep the money as she wanted to pay back the $3.00 she owed for eating the decorative candies.
We asked her why she had not asked us first for the candies and why she felt she had to take them without permission. She would not answer. There were other things she had taken but we were concerned about her need to still take and hide food. She knows that there is plenty to eat. Alex comments quite often that Kristina eats more than him. So it comes down to the attention thing. How to get more attention? She knows the food thing is annoying and therefore, keeps doing it. Kristina knows her dentist would not approve of her eating candies. Shes had allot of dental work this year and there will be more in 2011.
She had now turned in for the evening after a hot bath and wanted to read the Beeble (as Kristina pronounces it) which was loaned to her from church. As for the rest of us, after putting up our traditional Halloween village, sound effects and all, were are all getting ready to turn in for the day.
We thought church camp would be a good thing for her: as she would be around kids her own age, to make some new Christian friends and we hoped she would learn some humility. Our biggest challenge with her is trying to convince her that we, as her parents, know what is best for her. Thirteen year old Kristina of course has all of the answers and looks at us like we don't know what we're talking about. During our many talks, she will not answer our questions directly but ask another question to avoid answering us.
When we went to pick her up and she was playing games with the other children. She told her new friends "Good-Bye Guys."
On the way home she cried as she said she missed them. We asked her what she had learned while at camp and she told us it was about honesty. We were glad to hear that, as we had some questions to ask her about finding things in her room that she did not have permission to take .
Kristina had been grounded and we only allowed her to go to church camp to help her and to try to mold her into a better person.
I've read on other blogs, that some of the moms said in some cases, they will not win the mother of the year award, I feel I won't win any awards, ever. Kristina doesn't accept listening to us very well. It amazes us that her teachers speak so highly of her and say she is an extremely respectful student but she can't show any respect at home. We keep telling Kristina that someday we hope she will be grateful for all the opportunities we have given to her, but to her we are not doing anything. We now have a new rule. If Kristina takes something without permission, then something of hers will be taken away and donated. She has taken a step in the right direction this evening. The neighbor that drives Kristina to school each day gave her some money. She had given all the girls in her car pool a little money and she takes them to the store after school so they can spend their money on treats. Kristina has $2.61. Kristina ate an entire bottle of decorative candies for cookies/cupcakes that I use during the holidays. Since she had $2.61 from the neighbor, we asked her what she should do with the money. Kristina told us to keep the money as she wanted to pay back the $3.00 she owed for eating the decorative candies.
We asked her why she had not asked us first for the candies and why she felt she had to take them without permission. She would not answer. There were other things she had taken but we were concerned about her need to still take and hide food. She knows that there is plenty to eat. Alex comments quite often that Kristina eats more than him. So it comes down to the attention thing. How to get more attention? She knows the food thing is annoying and therefore, keeps doing it. Kristina knows her dentist would not approve of her eating candies. Shes had allot of dental work this year and there will be more in 2011.
She had now turned in for the evening after a hot bath and wanted to read the Beeble (as Kristina pronounces it) which was loaned to her from church. As for the rest of us, after putting up our traditional Halloween village, sound effects and all, were are all getting ready to turn in for the day.
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